How Does It Feel?

Buzz, buzz. It's time to shave my head!

I had to give it a try.

Shaving my head was probably the most insane thing I ever did. Good thing there was actually a reason for it. My head and its hair was thinning out like crazy. I couldn't walk around with a patchy globe like head. It was time to buzz cut the damn hair off! Using those clippers across my head felt so invigorating. Probably since it is something I have never done in my life!

Vivian giving me a helping hand. (That picture of Doctor
Anthony makes me think he doesn't want a botched clip job.)

For this, I recommend having a friend help you out. Case in point, my friend Vivian gave me the clip job. One would wonder how long this would take? It took nearly an hour. First, removing all that bulk hair. Secondly, buzzing it down to virtually nothing. Finally, getting in there with a Mach 3 Fusion and Skintimate Mango and shaving it down to make it smooth and soft like a baby's bottom. How difficult was the process overall? Easy, breezy as one might say.

How does it feel to have my head shaven down? I feel no difference to be honest. I thought I would be sad that my hair was gone. My luscious, beautiful and shiny hair will grow back once I finish chemo. Oh, just another 22 more weeks! With all this hair gone, its time to go shopping for hats, fedoras and beanies! Unless I have some generous and kind readers wanting to give some as gifts...

As Of Lately...

I have cancer. Simple yes? To be precise: Stage IVB Hodgkin's lymphoma.



first night in the ER

But to begin blogging about is something out of the ordinary for me. Its a personal subject for me and anyone else but I ultimately decided to go with it. Mainly because its something I can look back on as a journal entry without having to grab a actual journal and pen each time. Modern technology has made documenting everyday life more and more interesting. Whether its a online journal like this blog or through videos and pictures, theres always someone creating a new entry each day.

A visit from the infamous Doctor Anthony.
- Twitter: @doctoranthony )

So I guess this is the part where I come in. I've actually considered blogging even before I started chemo but seemed hesitant. Why? Maybe its because I've done the whole blogging in a video format before. Sure, it was more fun vlogging at Disneyland than at a chemo ward but I think it'd be interesting none the less. A brief history would be that I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's lymphoma about 7-8 months ago. Why did it take so long for me to get treatment? A small reason was because I thought I could do school and cancer treatment at the same time. You see, I was in dental hygiene school until cancer fucked up my life. Ever since cancer fucked up my life in a way, I decided a month after being diagnosed that I really couldn't juggle school and treatment. I'm not Superman. So, I applied for state funded programs to which brings us to where we are now. I got approved for these wonderful fucking programs not long ago. Lets just say walking around with what appears to be 3-4 golf balled size tumors on the right of my neck is not fun.

Shannon and I.

 And to speed things up, it all started about a week ago. My very first chemo treatment. Let me just say that after completing many, many, MANY routine tests needed before chemo, my situation had turned for the worse. I was diagnosed with the worse stage of cancer. Stage IVB. What does the "B" stand for? I don't fucking know but it scared the shit out of me. My situation called for multiple involvement. Areas including bone marrow, spleen, stomach muscles and more. So, after the results of my PET/CT scan was sent to my oncologist, she decided it was best to admit me to the ER and basically have a emergency chemo session performed. But between the emergency chemo session and trying to wrap my head around all this, they needed to perform surgery and put a chemo port inside me. A chemo port is a access tunnel for medical personnel to stick i.v.'s in without having to search for veins. It helps them with ease and prevents my veins from collapsing as well. Win/win.

Linda and I.

I was rushed to the ER. Stayed in the hospital for 8 fucking days. I wanted to kill myself out of boredom. Let me just say that as a lover the E! channel, they can only rerun Keeping Up With The Kardashians so many times that even I have to say, "All right, that's enough." But besides the cable entertainment, I had live entertainment from the hospital staff. The staff was quite pleasant and kept my semi private room private for as long as they could hold out until shifting me into a private room. They were mostly young, vivacious and pleasant to be with for the past days. Hospital food has got to be the WORSE. Most mornings I wouldn't eat breakfast! But as each day passed, I would be reminded that I was soon to be out of jail and into the world of real food.





Kelly and I.



And after 8 grueling days spent in that hospital with restless nights of sleep, terrible food and miserable toiletries, it was time to go home. Boy, I could not be more happier in my life! Although nausea and vomiting happened not too long after, I was glad to get out of a place where I couldn't enjoy sunlight. So let me just say this, being in that room made me appreciate flowers, sunlight, the beach, fresh air, and food SO much more. I obviously missed seeing my friends and especially my family though having all of them visit me is not the same. Don't get me wrong, I love them. And I do have to mention that my ex boyfriend came to visit me from Las Vegas. He drove all the way out to spend the weekend with me just to make sure he was there for my first chemo session. But when people leave, it SUCKS. Especially spending those nights alone. ALL ALONE. Do you know how creepy it is? I don't need no Grudge Asian ghost baby coming at me while I'm trying to sleep.

Received the SWEETEST (literally) care package
from Ben & Jerry's!!! - Twitter: @benandjerrys

As of lately, it brings us to where we are now. The present. The good? At the moment, my body seems to respond well. I had this huge tumor on the right side of my neck which has pretty much disappeared. The bad part? The side effects. Im losing my hair slowly each day so I've decided to shave my head soon. Other side effects are nausea and vomiting although the anti nausea medication helps a LOT. I actually forgot my oncologist prescribed them to me so I didn't have them for about 3 days. The moment of having nausea and vomiting is worse when you're driving and vomiting. On the freeway. With a plastic bag that has a tiny hole at the bottom. Yeah, lets just say its more challenging than texting and driving on my iPhone. Lets just say I found a new challenge to master.



Doctor Anthony brought me a bear
 with a recorded message. :)



My aspect of cancer may seem bleak, but in a way, I feel there is no right or wrong way on how to feel. Whether I'm angry or sad, happy or depressed, I should be able to feel however I want. Cancer may have fucked up my life but it also made my life worth living even more. It has brought me closer to those around me more than I could ever imagine. Sure I may seem cynical but that's how I am...and my friends wouldn't want me any other way. I know this may seem like a long blog post but you got to realize I need to catch a few new readers who don't know me up to speed! I promise future ones will be much shorter and they may include photos and/or video clips! So for now, be thankful I'm alive and typing.